


desperate times

by doctoorwho



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Khan family, Sad but soft, Sister's love, breakdown - Freeform, hakim khan - Freeform, mental health struggles, najia khan - Freeform, sad yaz, she just misses her girlfriend, sonya being supportive and helping yazzy, thasmin, yaz is trying to cope, yaz's family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27026920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctoorwho/pseuds/doctoorwho
Summary: After months of losing the Doctor, Yaz can barely leave her bed. But on one rare night she agrees on dinner with her family. But all it takes is a few sensible words to set her off dealing with too many emotions at once.
Relationships: The Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	desperate times

**Author's Note:**

> warning: implication of self-harm (not explicit)

_"Live great lives."_ Yaz woke up all of a sudden. _"Live great lives."_. The last words the Doctor had said to them. Those words haunted Yaz at all times. Specially in her dreams, or nightmares, as she preferred to call them. It was nearly dinner time, she'd been sleeping all day. Only getting up for a cuppa every now and then. It seemed to be the only thing she could do these days. Her family was worried about her, specially Sonya, who always came in and out of her bedroom for a check up. Sometimes she even sat in the chair next to Yaz's bed just to keep her company. 

It had been months since Gallifrey, since she last saw the Doctor. At first Yaz tried to go back to her old life and routine, going to work, spending time with friends. But soon enough started to get haunted by nightmares about her best friend. The idea that she would never see her again was something that slowly started to consume Yaz's thoughts, slowly drowning her in emptiness and desperation. She started to miss days at work, wasn't calling friends, not even Graham and Ryan who came to visit occasionally. She couldn't bring herself to talk to them. She slowly started to become isolated, confined in her bedroom. Nowadays she barely left her bed and cried herself to sleep nearly every night.

That night though, she'd agreed to dinner with her family after much insisting from her little sister. So, when she heard her mother call "Yaz, Sonya, dinner's ready.", she let out a sigh. There was a small knock on the door and before she could even reply, Sonya was already making her way in "Mom's calling.", Yaz didn't even look at her sister while she was putting on a pair of slippers "Yes, I heard. Thanks Sonya.". The younger girl had a worried looked in her eyes, she wanted to say something, but no words came out of her. Yaz got up making her way to the door, but not before her sister grabbed her hand as a way of reassurance "It's gonna be ok.". Yaz couldn't bring herself to say anything, so instead she just planted a kiss on her sister's forehead and they both made her way to the dinner table. 

* * *

Dinner went as any other. Her family kept on talking about things Yaz didn't even understand because in all honesty, she was hardly listening. She had barely touched her food. "Aren't you gonna eat more sweetheart?", her mother asked obvious concerned in her voice. Yaz hadn't been eating much these days, apart from the snacks her sister brought to her bedroom every now and then. "Not very hungry.", was all the young woman could say. 

"Have you heard that couple from downstairs split up?", her father mentioned in an attempt to make conversation and hopefully get Yaz more involved, considering she was familiar with the people in question. "Really, what happened?", her mother, Najia, asked when she noticed that her older daughter still wasn't interested. "Apparently, they went traveling and the wife met some else, a woman I've heard!". This caught Yaz's attention a little. Her father went on, "Poor lad got home one day, and the wife was just gone. Only a note and the divorce papers. He hasn't seen her since." Yaz wasn't feeling so good at this point. A mixture of anger and sorrow had started to boil inside her, threatening to consume her entire body. She looked down at her hands sitting on her lap, they'd started to shake. "She didn't even leave a proper explanation on that note, only a 'Sorry. Have a nice life'. The lad deserved a bit more didn't he?". At those words Yaz couldn't take it anymore. Her entire body was shaking now, she was using all her strenght to keep it together, not to breakdown in front of her whole family. Air seemed to leave her lungs, she could hardly get herself to breathe. She could feel everything coming at her at once. As calmly as she could muster, she excused herself from the table and ran into her room.

* * *

She closed the door as delicately as she could. She didn't want her family to think something was completely wrong and they would come rushing to talk to her. She just wanted to be alone. She started pacing around the room, muttering words to no one but herself "Get it together, Yasmin. Get it together.". She'd started shaking now, not being able to control her own emotions. She wanted nothing but to disappear, to be anywhere but there, be anyone but herself. Feel something more physical to take her mind away from all these emotional feelings that were now completely drowning her and taking over her entire mind and body. She was angry, hurt, desperate, empty and so many more emotions she couldn't even describe herself. She was punching the pillows now, one of her ways to release some energy, somewhere she could put her anger to use. But nothing was working. For a brief moment she considered doing something that she knew would take her mind off all this agony. But that thought came as fast as it went. She couldn't do that. She would never be able to forgive herself. She couldn't put her family through the pain of witnessing something like that, of losing her. 

With nothing else she could do, she succumbed to the pain. She let herself fall next to her bed until the was sat leaning against it. Her knees close to her chest, her arms around her legs. Tears threatening to come to surface at any moment. She looked up at the window. To the night sky, full of stars. "I need you. Please come back to me.", she spoke to the sky above. To the Doctor, her best friend, to whom she had so much she wanted to say and never got the chance. Now it was too late. The sobs started. She cried uncontrollably. To the point she could hardly breathe. She buried her face in her knees in an attempt to silence the cries. That's when she felt her sister’s arms around her. She hadn't even heard Sonya come in. The younger girl didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. It was not the first time she had found her sister like this and her eyes wandered around Yaz trying to spot any sharp objects. There was a feeling of complete relief when she couldn't find any. Her sister was safe. Sonya held the older girl in her arms for what felt like hours, Yaz constantly crying, not being able to stop. 

When the sobs finally started to calm down and her sister was no longer shaking, Sonya slowly let go of her. She whipped her big sister's remaining tears from her face. "Feeling better?", she asked with a soft voice and a tender smile. "A little, yeah.". Yaz couldn't bring herself to smile, but she grabbed her sister hand as a thankful gesture. "I just really miss her.", she said while pulling a blanket over them. They both looked up at the window, the sky now completely clear, only a few stars showing. Sonya couldn't help herself but ask "Did you love her?". The older sister's lips formed in a shape that ressembled a small smile, Sonya haven't seen her smile in months. "I did... I do.", was all Yaz could say. 

Sonya had a tighter grip on Yaz's hand now, reassuring her big sister that she wasn't alone. Yaz leaned her head against her little sister's shoulder. "Tell me about her.", Sonya asked as gently as she could. To her surprise Yaz didn't protest and went on telling her about the woman that changed her life. The woman she had completely fallen in love with. Both sisters stayed like that, Yaz talking more than she had in months and Sonya completely amazed by the stories her older sister was telling her. 

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by hannah, thanks for the idea mate :)  
> hope you lot enjoy x


End file.
